I have always been wondering how people deal with their relationships when it comes to going to business school. I realize many Americans get married early (in their early twenties) and it is natural for them to take their wife/husband with them to business school.
But what about all you other folks?
You might either be in a relationship that is semi-serious, which would provide you with the question of how to proceed when you go to business school. Will you continue and have a long-distance relationship? (I am assuming your biz school is not around the corner) What are the prospects of that working out? And does the chance of it working out correlate with the distance between the two partners?
Or you might be single, living the life, dating. What do you tell people on your first dates? That you will be off to business school in a few months? Not really a good selling proposition. What do you do if you meet someone special? Do you just let it go and not enter a relationship?
EDIT: BusinessWeek has picked up the topic from me and published an article.
;)
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Definitely an interesting statement/question you've posed. On one hand, I know a girl here in SF who will hopefully attend Darden with me. We've discussed being roommates, however, she needs to have one last convo with her bf before she 100% commits. They've been together for 3 years and this is definitely life changing both professionally and personally. Likely, he will stay in SF as she studies in Charlottesville. The decision was made because she will have her nose stuck in a book and he might as well have friends around if she's going to be busy instead of uprooting his life.
I, on the other hand, am single and have been for quite some time. I'm not dating anyone and not exactly looking as well. Though I would not turn down a date, I'm definitely not looking for a serious relationship as I'm moving in 6 mos and plan to spend at least 4 weeks traveling this summer. The paradox is definitely odd.
However, I do have a strange personality where I try to keep in contact with everyone. So if some flame did light and an incredible amount of chemistry was shared, I may take the chance and say maybe, as long as it didn't interfere with my studies and goals. Conversely, you never know what happens over time. The best romantic relationship is based on a friendship.
I find it amusing that you think Americans all marry early. In my friend group, marriage is definitely not the norm even though we are all in our late 20s, early 30s. However, this is San Francisco, where you can stay a kid forever.
I'm moving to Kellogg and my bf of almost 10 years is staying in SF. It definitely raises eyebrows, but I've never really cared what other people think of my relationship. I think it'll be difficult and we'll adjust. 2 years is nothing in the grand scheme of things...
Thanks for your comments.
mbabound: I mean no offense at all. I dont have any statistical evidence, but from personal experience and observation it seems that Americans (on average) get married somewhat earlier than, say, Europeans.
2 years: In hindsight 2 years always seem like nothing in a lifetime, but then, living through those 2 years, I think it can be frustrating. I havent really disclosed my situation: For me, I know I will be a happier person and probably more focused, if I resist a relationship before I start my MBA. I dont want any distractions, and I want to be able to experience the MBA to the fullest.
I know I broke up with my partner of 7 years because I spent too much time prepping for the GMAT and my applications. Wanting to pursue an MBA definitely affected my relationship negatively.
I know of an admit who is breaking up with his girlfriend of 4 years. And yet of another who is looking to end his relationship.
I think though, if I had a chance, I would keep the relationship and try the long-distance thing. I've done it before, and it was a mess, but if it's a significant relationship - wouldn't it be worth trying to save it?
If I had to choose between an MBA or a relationship or even marriage, I really don't know. After so much effort, can I just walk away from doing an MBA? Or after so much love in a relationship, can I walk away from it too?
I'm pursuing a relationship with my ex-girlfriend, but haven't told her that I may be going to b/school. If I do get accepted, I'm not sure what I would do if she said let's get married.
I just wanted to clarify that I wasn't offended. It is always amazing to learn other cultures' stereotypes of you.
One I learned while working in the Netherlands last year is that they all think Americans are obsessed with hygiene.
I'm fortunate enough to be in a relationship (1 year so far, but it looks like it's for the long haul) where my boyfriend has been incredibly supportive and helpful. He even took the time to diligently review the nearly 40 essays I ended up writing for my applications. He was, quite frankly, a saint for putting up with the several months of me doing pretty much nothing but focusing on my MBA apps and interviews. He'll be moving with me to wherever I decide to go.
It's a sacrifice on his part, but he's willing to make it because he knows it's best for me (and it's something I really, really want, and have worked my butt off for), and best for us in the long term.
Obviously, it's a lot more complicated if the relationship is only a few months old, or if your SO is really keen on staying where they are. I'm very fortunate in that regard. But, for me at least, I wouldn't want to stay with someone who would want to prevent me from doing something so important to me. Yes, it's going to be a difficult two years, but a strong relationship (I believe) can last through that with a lot of good communication and negotiation.
Of course, always easier said than done. :)
@wannabe
yep, same here: my last relationship ended two years ago, when I put the MBA on the table and started studying for the GMAT (although I didnt take it back then). To be honest, I'd say that this was just the drop in the bucket that made it overflow, so the MBA is not only to blame.
Right now, there is someone, who is already not in my hometown, so it would be long-distance no matter what. Still, I think I am already in that "I am not taking this to a serious level"-mode. As you said, I will NEVER jeopardize all the work I put into the MBA. Not for any woman on this planet. I assume, most women will respect that in the end.
Some of you MBA folks make me sick!! My MBA, my MBA, my MBA... my precious MBA. I wouldn't sacrifice a relationship that could go somewhere for the sake of a course that doesn't teach you anything common sense, a handful of books and just a few years of real business experience can give you. It's crazy!
My partner has been doing her MBA for a few months now and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that she has learnt for new from the course content that she didn't know already from the 5-6 years she has had in business. And she's paying a whopping amount of money to do it at one of the top 3 schools in the world! (And she's doing it in a UK school where the cram the US 2 year programme into a single year. Yeah, we're that good ;-). I have 10 years of project management experience, management consulting experience and I was a VP for several years at a software company. I have yet to see anything from her course content that I don't know already and haven't lived already. AND I know in far more depth and detail than they're covering in the lectures and the personal studies!
I think there is a lot to get from an MBA on the social side e.g. learning to work in teams, learning to find your boundaries and getting involved in things you wouldn't normally (she is doing rugby which she never considered previously!). But there's nothing you can gain socially that you can't gain in the real world.
From what I've seen thus far, an MBA is good for an average earner with average prospects to jump up the pay ladder and bring in more money. Or it's for people who didn't feel like they got enough socially from their undergraduate degree.
To be fair, on the one hand I do have a lot of respect for those who undertake MBAs because of the sheer amount of work you have to put in to get through it, I respect that completely. But that's it. It's nothing fantastic, it's no huge achievement, at best it's an elongated intro course they give to grads when starting with a half decent corporation. I can't help myself from saying GET SOME PERSPECTIVE, GET A LIFE AND GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR A%%!!! Your love life and your family are FAR MORE IMPORTANT!!!!
From a slightly disgruntled partner of an MBA.
I couldn't agree more. I know that an MBA may seem like everything you need to be happier and more successful but the biggest mistake I have seen people make is end a relationship or refrain from a relationship because they are going to Business school. You should be planning the MBA program around your life, not the other way around.
I have an MBA from a top US B-school and I can say for sure that the people who were most successful at their studies and job search were the ones who managed to lead a balanced life and who had partners outside of the program who kept them grounded. MBA may seem exciting at first but the experience soon becomes very intense and even rough. You are better off having someone who is not involved in the program to help you keep your perspective and to support you through the hardships.
Also, the MBA program is only 2 years long and it leaves you pretty empty when it is over. Yes, you will probably have a better job but you will find yourself in the bottom of the corporate ladder (again). Life is so much more that that! The lucky ones realize this sooner rather than later.
I do agree with what is said by a few here... If you have a real good relationship and you love the person, you should not break up the relationship to puruse an MBA (or for that matter for any other career move such as international assignments or other degrees).
MBAs are tough (I have just finished one myself - from a US business school). They are hectic and always put pressure on the students. And relationships (long-distance especially) can be very difficult during the 2 years.
I was in a long-distance relationship (I sincerely loved my partner and would have never hurt her or broken up with her). But I guess due to lack of time and too many things going in the MBA programs, communication does become difficult.
And I got heart-broken when my partner ended the relationship towards the end of first year.
All I can say is, although MBA programs are tough and they require tremendous amount of commitment and dedication, make sure that you communicate with your partner and also understand the needs of your partner (basically your partner has more time free that you do!!) :)
However, I have also heard of people who gave up their MBAs and careers and later went through the pain of a break-up... So...
Good luck to all...
My Girlfriend is in a top ten program in the US, and it is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Her new "friends" seem to be exclusively egocentric assholes with no concern for ethics or anything beyond financial success and bragging rights. "But they all commit time to work with Non-profits"...please this is merely another attempt to make extreme greed more palatable. Important "Networking" events usually, make that always, end up as drunken eighties-themed dance parties on facebook...wow such high achievers!! Case competitions involve thousands of miles of travel and out of four days 10-12 hours of work, and 20-30 hours of...you guessed it dressing up like wonder-woman and hulu-hooping at the bar. I am all for making new friends and having fun, but when B-school is marketed as some incredible achievement, worth the sacrifice, and this type of activity is the main time investment it is very difficult to think that the residential MBA programs in the US are much more than a frat party for the bourgeoisie. My girlfriend slept through her final presentation and passed anyway! Not that I want her to fail, but my undergrad professors would fail anyone and everyone for such an irresponsible offense... cough up 200k and your off the hook. I love this girl, but I see her changing in many ways and not one is positive in my eyes. I can use excel and powerpoint and get really hammered while hulu hooping in a goofy costume... where is my MBA??!! She still can't cook, budget her finances (this has probably gotten worse), or be on time to an appointment. So sorry to vent on your Blog, but I am flabbergasted that this curriculum actually leads to a high paying job.
This blog is quite refreshing, TBH. I have been in a relationship with a girl who I saw changing from a polite, grounded and energetic girl to a careless and disrespectful person as she embarks her MBA in one of the top schools in US.
I was hoping to spend these two months to take things to next level, almost to the point I started looking for jobs over there. Looking at how things have turned out in past two months, I am quite frustrated and waiting for her to get some time to at least talk things out. I am not quite hopeful if it will turn out quite well..
The funny thing is I was considering an MBA myself at one point. But looking at the kind of marketing gimmick it has become, I decided to just stick to my profession and become better (which I quite like) the hard way (The school of hard knocks is the best school of all ;))
What I am realizing is that it is important to know why somebody is doing an MBA. I have huge respect for the school, the faculty and some of the alumni who make significant contribution to the world. However there seem to be too many people who pursue an MBA because of lack of clear vision for what they really want from life, career and relationships. Some people feel stuck in their career, and some just buy in to the MBA cool-aid where in you leave real life for two years under the pretense learning something an online course, meetups or activities with like-minded people can get you. And you don't really have to pay 200K to get drunk under the name of 'networking'.
Anyways, I am understandably a bit frustrated and want to be there for her hopes and dreams (whatever they maybe). So, if anybody has any positive or constructive advice, I'd appreciate..
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